The Bulletin

From underneath a rock in Media Void

MEDIA VOID - The Bulletin is the official weekly rag, fish wrapper, voice, mouthpiece and media outlet of the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL). The Bulletin originates each week from underneath a rock in Media Void. According to Mr. Webster, 'living under a rock" means to be oblivious, or ignorant, to what happens in the outside world. It is used to describe a person who doesn’t know something that any "normal" human being is supposed to know, usually in relation to recent, or current, events. In the BDFL, Media Void is a fictitious city in a fictitious country which is free from all types of media and information, where everybody in the city-state wanders aimlessly around uninformed about everything from the news, to weather, to sports and politics. The Bulletin is located in Media Void to help serve this community.

The 31th season of the BDFL is under way

Same Old Same Old - Cheetahs Win, Not So Fast:

After all these years, look who is still leading the way in the Big Daddy Football League. It is the Southside Cheetahs and the BDFL’s elder statesman – Butch Neal. The Cheetahs have the most championships in the hist’ry of the league, and at the beginning of the 2025 season, it looks like the “Sin Wagon,” is still running on all cylinders like “greased lightning.” (Circa 1978) To kickoff the year, the Cheetahs put up the most points, making the felines the “Top Dog” of the week. The Fieldstown Bellcows already have a beef with the Dreaded Schedule Maker as the “Bell Heads” scored enough points (29) to defeat 14 out of the 16 BDFL teams in Week One. However, the Bellcows will take the loss, and are reportedly reaching out to the Fieldstown Bomb Squad to help them develop a modern-day cannonball to utilize in Week Two and throughout the remainder of the season. EDITOR'S NOTE: The Bulletin jumped the gun to make press time before this one was over. The Bellcows got 6 points from WR-Thomas/JAX last to nip the Cheetahs. 

Defending Champs Turn to Chumps in Record Time, Not Really:

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. The North Birmingham Vulcans won it all last year. In 2025, they are alone in the “Commissioner’s Dog House.” Nic Hand missed 75-percent of the Miller Genuine Draft, but then the big sin. The Vulcans did not submit their starters for Week One, and allegedly didn’t contact the front office. “Mrs. Taylor – I’ll take that zero.”* So, the champs go quickly to chumps. The Vulcans score zero. The Jugtown Juggernauts – with the second-lowest point total of the week – are the beneficiaries of this charity. A.E.’s ‘Nauts get the shutout vict’ry, although not as impressive as Bama’s 73-0 shutout on Saturday. But, Allyson is “still on the hook” for the blame in the debacle from Tallahassee, Florida over the Labor Day Weekend. *Quote attributed to the late Steve Quick, refusing to go to the blackboard to work out a long geometry calculation/problem at Gardendale High School (GHS). Appropriate substitutions are: “Miss Jendrazak – I’ll take that zero.” Or “Coach Jennings – I’ll take that zero.” For Algebra, Algebra II, Trigonometry, or Calculus. EDITOR'S NOTE: The Bulletin jumped the gun to make press time before this one was over. The Vulcans caught a break from The Commissioner and their late starters were allowed after a demerit was applied giving them an easy 33-11 win in Jugtown.

Sleds Resort to a Kicker to Edge Bullets in OT:

The Benton Bullets couldn’t believe that Super Bowl MVP Jalen Hurts was still available at Pick Number Four in the BDFL Draft. The Bullerino snapped up the former Alabama/Oklahoma QB. In the first game of the NFL season on a Thursday night in Philadelphia, Hurts ran for the first two TD’s of the season to put the Bullets up 12-0 over the Fairfield PowerSleds. “Wire-to-wire,” was the early fodder from the Black Belt on social media outlets. Fast forward to Sunday and Monday nights and the Bullets were locked into a deadlock with the Sleds. The overtime 26-26 vict’ry went to the “Mean Machine,” fostering yet another nickname for the head coach and general manager for the Sleds. He's been called Mad Jack and Big Jack for years. He's also on occasion been called Jack Slovensky, but there's a new moniker for the leader of the PowerSleds and that is “Lucky Jack.” It’s take from Captain Lucky Jack Aubrey from the movie and novels: Master and Commander portrayed by Russell Crowe (in the movie). The swashbuckling captain of a Brittish warship (HMS Surprise) that loses a few battles but ends up winning the war (Napoleonic War). Jack Barnes made that escape this past weekend against the Benton Bullets, so the Sleds start the season 1-0, while the Bullets are 0-1. Note to tie in headline: The Little Kicker for the Jacksonville Jaguars bailed out the Sleds with 14-points.    

Gamblers Maul Mayors:

No “A.W.’s” dotted the BDFL scoreboard in Week One. The closest was a 19-point win by the Gulf Coast Gamblers over the Magic City Mayors. The “Real Deal” Kenny Breal came out of the gate strong to start the 2025 season. It was a big win for the “Dixie Mafia” to energize their fan base at the start of the year after a disappointing season in 2024. As for the Mayors, they just came off a tough campaign in their re-election efforts, and were caught looking ahead to the Magic City Classic, set for later this fall in what was formerly known as the “Football Capital of the South.”    

Cats Catch Birds:

In the closest game of the weekend (that didn’t go to overtime), the Western Hills Wildcats won by one over the Fultondale Freebirds. The “James Gang” made the plays when they had to down the stretch to pull out this close vict’ry in front of the home folks at Fair Park. The Freebirds got their wings clipped and were not able to sustain drives, make tackles, follow through on blocks, stay on sides, or get their wings out of a wad. It was an embarrassing loss for “Jammin’ Jaimie Hand,” but he vows to rally in Week Two.  

Armadillos Edged by Grenadiers:

The Mineral Springs Grenadiers scored 27-points to notch a Week One win over the Duncanville Armadillos by the final score of 27-20. Iron Hand continues to operate the BDFL outside the normal confines of modern-day fantasy football leagues, and that’s a good thing. The Commish manages to hold the league together and coordinate a website, scoring system, and in-depth schedule, while at the same time, dealing with prima dona owners and sponsors. Meanwhile, in Texas (and Charlotte), the ‘Dillos are just happy with the moral vict’ry, and believe that the opening weekend effort will bode well for his team moving forward.   

DaBlitz Bombs Sloths:

The old, bloody, “Red Baron,” dropped a cannonball on the Sloths in Week One. The final score read: Druid City Blitz 27 – Sloth Monsters 11. As always, this match-up was played on a neutral site in T-Town, and the participants (winners and losers) culminated the opening weekend with a trip to Harry’s Bar. The Blitz is optimistic that they will be able to compete in the upper echelon of the BDFL this season. On the other sideline, Mukes is optimistic that his team has “nowhere to go but up,” after a dismal performance in their 2025 debut.  

Brookside Dogs Beat Bandits:

The Brookside Dogs are off to a fast start, kind of like (the late) Jonathan Carroll roller skating downhill on Main Street, with his hair flying back, like a literal “bat outta hell.” The Altadena Bandits couldn’t get out of Brookside fast enough after dropping the 25-21 decision on the road.  

Week One in the JrBDFL – “It’s all about the kids.”

The Junior League lost three participants in the “off season,” but the Commissioner (and Defending Champion) – Matthew Hand didn’t hesitate to pick up a new player, and contract to ten (10) teams and keep marching. The new participant comes from Guntersville, and is one of Milton Hand’s new roommates. By the way, two Hand’s won in Week One… and two lost. Ben Hand and Milton got W’s in the JrBDFL cyberworld via ESPN, and Matthew and Meredith toted home “L’s.”    

STAT CAST from THE BULLETIN

Most points in a loss: Cheetahs 34

Least points to win: Wildcats 20

Closest to A.W.: Gambers by 19

OT and 1-point Games: 2  

GHS Grads W-L: 4-6

“If you’re scoring at home…”

GHS Grad Stats:

Class of 1982: 5

Class of 1981: 2

Class of 1980: 1

Class of 1979: 1

Class of 1978: 1     

W1TB