The Bulletin

From underneath a rock in Media Void

MEDIA VOID - The Bulletin is the official weekly rag, fish wrapper, voice, mouthpiece and media outlet of the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL). The Bulletin originates each week from underneath a rock in Media Void. According to Mr. Webster, 'living under a rock" means to be oblivious, or ignorant, to what happens in the outside world. It is used to describe a person who doesn’t know something that any "normal" human being is supposed to know, usually in relation to recent, or current, events. In the BDFL, Media Void is a fictitious city in a fictitious country which is free from all types of media and information, where everybody in the city-state wanders aimlessly around uninformed about everything from the news, to weather, to sports and politics. The Bulletin is located in Media Void to help serve this community.

"I used to carry a sword too...

Highest Scoring Game in BDFL Hist’ry Highlights The Bulletin:

In 31 years of action in the Big Daddy Football League, no two teams have combined to score 100-points. It still hasn’t happened. Now, 99… that’s a different story. A combined 99-points were scored in the Week Three match-up in the BDFL between the Cheetahs and the Sloth Monsters. However, the bigger story – perhaps – was the epic, back-and-forth, heart-breaking, earth-shaking, one-point game, that ended with a final score of 50-49. When the smoked cleared from George Ward Park, it was the Southside Cheetahs that triumphed with an epic vict’ry over the Sloth Monsters in a game literally, “for the record books.” Mukes said, “there are no moral vict’ries,” but, he added, “my team played their gosh-darnedest. We fought to the end, but we have to congratulate Butch and the Sin Wagon on getting one more point than us.” As always, the Cheetah Man was gracious in vict’ry. Butch took Mukes virtually across the street to the Irish Deli for “dinner” and then to a “show” at a little place on Valley Avenue.  

Bullets Win Son of D.K. Bowl:

“I used to carry a knife… until I learned how to whip a man's @$$.” That quote is attributed to D.K. The D.K. stands for Donald Kenneth, as in Donald Kenneth Hand. He’s known to most of the BDFL rank and file as the father of Chris, Jerome, and Jaimie, as Mr. Hand, Coach Hand, Uncle Donald, Handy Man, or Papa. In Week Three in the BDFL, D.K.’s Number Three son lost to the middle child in a blowout that turned competitive, that ultimately came down to the last game of the NFL weekly schedule. The Fultondale Freebirds went scoreless on Monday Night Football, and thus their comeback ultimately came up short, as Jerome beat Jaimie, 31-27. The Benton Bullets stormed out to a 27 to 9 lead after the early games (noon) on Sunday. The F’birds battled back late in the afternoon, at one point tying the game. But, the Bullets’ place-kicker returned from a groin injury (a gr, gr, groin injury) on Sunday Night to kick a field goal, and @$$ scoring found a 2-point conversion pass catch to give the Bullets their first vict’ry of the season. Meanwhile, “Jammin’ Jaimie” and the Bochephus Bunch remain winless in 2025, dropping to 0-3.  

Armadillos Remain Winless:

The Duncanville Armadillos are also 0-3 after three weeks of BDFL fast-action, fantasy football play, on the old, proverbial cyber gridirons of the Southeast. The Bulletin isn’t sure if K.P. still holds season tickets and a personal seat license to the Carolina Panthers in Charlotte. But, the Panthers got “off the scheid,” in Week Three in the BDFL with an upset and shutout vict’ry over the Atlanta Falcons. Meanwhile, the bigger story perhaps was the “Top Gun” award going to the Western Hills Wildcats, who scored a week-high 59 points. @$$ did the math, and the 59-19 win for the Wildcats was an epic A.W. The “James Gang” also served notice that they could be a team to contend with this season in the Big Daddy Football League, and a team with a chance to get a hold of the Grand Daddy Trophy.  

Bandits Drop to 0-3 with One Point Loss:

The “Helmet O’ Silver” seems like a “pipe dream” to the Altadena Bandits after three weeks. Old Barry’s team is 0-3 and headed in the wrong direction. The Bandits lost to the Fairfield PowerSleds in Week Three, 14-13, in what was an underwhelming game for both teams. The “Mean Machine” will take the good fortune of the BDFL schedule, and will claim the win and move forward. But, both of these teams are taking a long look in the mirror and in the garage to see what improvements can be made. The Bandits have the T-Tops off on the TransAm trying to find the problems there and under the hood. Meanwhile, the Sleds are looking at ways to increase lift, reduce drag, and get up to maximum speed for the remainder of the season.   On to the A.W.’s – Mayors Maul Vulcans: The Magic City Mayors opened up a 55-gallon, industrial-strength can of whoop-@$$, and poured it all over the head of the historic statue of Vulcan, atop Red Mountain. It reached the defending champion North Birmingham Vulcans and spiraled Nic Hand’s team downhill at a rapid pace until the false iron god came to an embarrassing stop, exposed, and showing the up-close evidence of an A.W. The Mayors beat the “young but naïve” Vulcans 39-7, in a game that was never close, and it signaled real trouble in 2025 for the Vulcans.  

Blitz Puts A.W. on Bellcows:

 The Druid City Blitz made the trip up I-59 from T-Town, through Birmingham, on the way to Gardendale, and then west into Fieldstown. The previously undefeated Bellcows were waiting, but what D.B.’s fat cows didn’t realize was that this year’s version of the “Gritz Blitz” means business. DaBlitz let go with the cobra, viper, red dog, and “4-4 Stack” quadruple linebacker blitz, and overwhelmed the Bell Heads, 42-21, to notch an A.W. in Week Three in the BDFL. Belrose’s team was embarrassed in their vintage, throwback, Fultondale youth, blue-and-white jerseys, and were flat out “blue” about losing their short winning streak, and absorbing that A.W. So, three games into the season, the Blitz looks like a real contender, and they’ll be on the watch list to see if they can keep performing at this level.  

The Bulletin Closes from Brookside - ‘Nauts Whip Gamblers A.W. Style:

In fantasy football with scores being added up in cyberspace, the Jugtown Juggernauts administered an A.W. to the Gulf Coast Gamblers by the final margin of 32-6. It was a hog slaughter. It was a blowout. It wasn’t close. The “Dixie Mafia,” collected the “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” award, and slinked to find a place to hide along the Gulf of America coast, which is easier said than done. Allyson, as the only girl in the BDFL, reveled in the vict’ry in the social media world of computers, iPads, and smart phones. In the real world, A.E. & Friends had a closer call in the off-season. (Insert banjo music, if possible, dueling banjos to be exact). On the banks of the Five Mile Creek – in Brookside! – they ventured out for a harmless kayak trip. There’s no such thing in the real world.

*See complete story at the end of the next segment.  

Brookside Influenced Dogs Top Grenadiers 32-28:

The Brookside Dogs barked and bit their way to a narrow vict’ry over the nearby Mineral Springs Grenadiers in Week Three in the BDFL. The win keeps “Mark’s Mutts” undefeated on the season, improving the Dogs to 3-0. Following the game, Mr. Mark Burr had a warning for all BDFLers (namely Allyson) about visiting Brookside, the Five Mile Creek, or kayaking anywhere in west Jefferson County. If you come to play the Dogs in Brookside – stay on the main road. If you are thinking about kayaking, be reminded Brookside’s “Neighborhood Watch,” is dramatically different from other such surburbanite entities. They’re packing. They’re trigger happy. They’re looking for a reason. A.E. and some Jugtown partisans (namely the Busbys) had all the permits, and permission from the nearby “land owners” to access the Five Mile Creek. But, communication can be meaningless amongst those that are sworn (by no one in particular) to defend Copperhead Road. The Jugtown group were initially turned away by the heavily-armed Brookside Neighborhood Watch. Apparently, Allyson’s experience with Johnny Reb from the 80’s at Apartment 21 and her extensive lawyer experience, got the Scooby Doo gang outta trouble in time to enjoy a day of recreation on the creek with unique surveillance from the banks of the Five Mile Creek. The Bulletin: “You can’t make this stuff up.”

 *See photograph and the answer to the photo caption: Brookside Neighborhood Watch.

Week 3 in the JrBDFL – “It’s all about the kids.”

After three weeks in the Junior League, the mysterious “Connor” is the only undefeated team at 3-0 on the season, and the only girl in the JrBDFL, the Yuppie – Meredith Hand – is the only Oh-and-3 squad. Yuppie is a “young, urban, professional,” and she qualifies with a job in the big city (Atlanta). Apparently, Ethan Arrington is also a Yuppie in Atl. and Jacob Burr in Tampa. Congrats to the recent graduates and those that have launched to get off their parents payroll. The Bulletin will continue to research the only undefeated team in the JrBDFL, which as previously mentioned contracted to 10 teams in 2025 to improve the overall “quality of play,” and upper echelon of NFL players available for fantasy football rosters.

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