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"Eyewitness say that Rocket Stadium hasn’t seen that kind of ineptitude since Bullet, Lep, Hotdog, Les Nicholas, Scottie West and Keith Crawford mopped up against Pinson Valley in 1979. Ouch!"

From Underneath The Rock in Media Void

By Bullet Head

Week 9 in the BDFL...

Sloths Rally on MNF

(Lake Cyrus)—The old, proverbial, wet-sand hauling, chip-eating, milk-drinking, can-crushing, watermelon-splitting Three-Toed Tree Dwellers reared their heads on Monday Night Football and snatched a vict’ry from the jaws of the Gamblers. Mukes was “betting heavy and sleeping in the street,” Monday Night, putting all his marbles down on a wager to come back and bite Kenny B. where it hurts. After starting out at Mike’s and completing a couple of “honey-do’s” at Collage, Mukes settled down on his famous Lake Cyrus Sofa and watched the Denver Defense put him in the money against the heavily-favored Boys From Biloxi. Quoting Tug McGraw, Mukes said he had no real plans for his “prize money” except that he would “Spend 90% of it on women and booze and probably just blow the rest.”

Grenades Get a Kick Out of MNF Too!

(Brookside)—Also parlaying some success on Monday Night Football this week were the woebegone Grenades. Apparently left for dead in Brookside’s Goose Alley on Sunday, the Johnny’s bounced back on Monday Night with Adam Viniteiri kicking the Duds past the Dogs. Old Burr may pull a few tricks on other BDFLers in Brookside, but the Hand boys know the “lay of the land” along the banks of the Five Mile Creek. Iron guiding his team unexpectedly out of Goose Alley, up old (expletive) Hill (retracing the famous route of Jonathan Carroll on skates) and surprised Dog in his own back yard to come away with a surprise, come-from-behind vict’ry. Sharp Dressed didn’t over step his boundaries after the win either. He stayed clear of Wayne’s Place and simply had a cold PBR “in MeMe’s basement.”

Warriors Score Low – Win Big

(Black Creek)—An unprecedented warm spell is really paying off for the Wooly Warriors. Hime only got 13-points this week (So, perhaps like Clutch, he is “slipping.”) but still escaped with a narrow vict’ry against Tommy T’s “lobotomy and tights” wrestlers. It was another banner week at the old wig-wam reservation on the banks of the Black Creek, as Kawliga celebrated by telling his injuns to “smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.” We feel sure he was talking about peace pipes.

Mayors Outscore Bullet at the Polls

(Benton)—The Mayors got a lot of fan support (in addition to fried chicken) from the residents of White Hall in Lowndes County and parlayed that “Rainbow Coalition” support into a big vict’ry against the Bullets. The un-welcomed Cronies marched into Rebel Stadium (it was apparent they have a lot of experience with marches) and proceeded to dump the Bullets. The loss snapped a four-game winning streak for the Benton Boys and sent the Cronies across the Edmund Pettus Bridge and into Selma for some celebrations with some of their southern constituents.

Boots Stomp Wizards

(Greystone)—The Woods Brothers brought their “Boot Scooting Boogie” to the Tea & Crumpets Coliseum this weekend and left with a vict’ry and some converts to line dancing amongst the “tea-sippers.” Merlin’s magic wand could do nothing to repel the Bristol Boys and they proceeded to teach anyone in the “gated-community” that would listen how to yodel, revved their engines to “rag somebody’s ride,” and stomp roaches in a fashion that Max Sanderson would have been proud of. When the dancing was done, Merlin staggered back into his laboratory and was left to ponder the precedent of U.S. 280’s-inhabitants “getting down, turning around and doing the Boot Scoot Boogie.”

Sleds Sickle Blades

(Pelham)—“The ‘Blare’ is Back,” reads bumper stickers in Fairfield these days. And, that “Blare” is coming from the engines of a fully revved Power Sled. Mad Jack is back too. After a few horrible years losing and constantly complaining about how the BDFL was run, Mad has now put all that behind him and began what can best be called a “quest” for an unprecedented 3rd BDFL Championship. Last Sunday, the Blades were the latest opposition to feel the wrath of the Sleds. The Dolodomers crushed L.A.’s landscapers on the Sod Farm in excruciating fashion, leaving them with dull blades, ripped saws, an A.W., and bleeding eardrums.

Cats Scratch Nauts

(Gardendale)—A.E. had no trouble earning this week’s “Toilet Seat Team of the Weak” honors as the lady-like Juggernauts practically laid down and wallered against the Cheetahs. Neal’s Sin Wagon may be on a roll this year, and they may be the top geezers in the Gray Beard Division, but the ‘Nauts didn’t even seem to put up token opposition to the Felines. Eyewitness say that Rocket Stadium hasn’t seen that kind of ineptitude since Bullet, Lep, Hotdog, Les Nicholas, Scottie West and Keith Crawford mopped up against Pinson Valley in 1979. Ouch!

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