The Bulletin

Dogs No Longer Undefeated After Cheetahs Charge:

The Brookside Dogs were the only undefeated team in the Big Daddy Football League after the first four weeks of the 2025 season, but all good things must come to an end, and it’s the same for “Mark’s Mutts.” The over-confident, and trash talking Dogs were put in their place, and silenced in Week Five in the BDFL. It was the Southside Cheetahs on the other sideline that defeated the Dogs. It really wasn’t close. The Sin Wagon got rolling on Sunday afternoon in Brookside on the banks of the Five Mile Creek and proved to be too much for the Dogs. Now, depression sets in for the once Super Banker turned Rubber Tycoon, who really believed his team was going to go 18-0.  

Winless No More – ‘Dillos Demolish Sloths:

The “Little Old Team from Texas” knew there was just one solution to ending their winless ways in the BDFL: “ROAD TRIP.” So, K.P. & Company loaded up the Volvo and headed west. The Armadillos crossed two states into Alabama, and took up residence in T-Town for the weekend. The plan worked like a charm. The Duncanville ‘Dillos – by way of Charlotte, NC, - got what they needed on the banks of the Black Warrior River. They got some spiral-cut ham, some Bama Biscuits, and some (Conecuh) Samplers and added that to a vict’ry by the Crimson Tide over Vandy, and also some tailgating with both the BDFL rank & file, and some ex-Bama Baseballers… it was a rousing success. Then, on Sunday… K.P. met Mukes at Harry’s Bar and defeated the Sloth Monsters in a close one. Sloths continue to get shafted by the Dreaded Schedule Maker (DSM).  

Bandits Battered by Dixie Mafia:

Barry K. Stephenson also visited Tuscaloosa and participated in many of the same activities as the Armadillos. It had the opposite effect for his Altadena Bandits in Week Five in the BDFL. The Bandits were battered and fried by the Gulf Coast Gamblers on Sunday. The “Dixie Mafia” scored at will on Old Barry’s “6-2 Stack Monster,” defense, and stopped the Bandits “Ed Bruce 36 Pro I” offense in an overwhelming show of force and power. It’s already been a roller coaster season for the Gamblers, but the “Real Deal” Kenny Breal is hoping that this vict’ry will give his squad a shot of adrenaline and some help as the long marathon of a season in fantasy football enters the one-third mark in Week 6.  

Bullets Shoot Down Defending Champs, 25-22:

Bullet & Nic Hand sit together in Section L at Saban Field at Bryant-Denny Stadium on Saturdays. The pair watched the Crimson Tide come-from-behind to vanish Vanderbilt, and then the next day, their respective BDFL teams went at it in fantasy football. The Bullets surged ahead to a 15-point lead during the early games. The Defending Champion Vulcans countered with 20-points from their kicker and a defensive safety to take a late lead. However, the Benton Bullets rallied to capture a close vict’ry by the final score of 25-22.  

Bellcows Fall to Freebirds:

David Belrose and Jaimie Hand had some harsh disagreements* on Saturday, but they put them aside and had a blast before deciding to decide things on the cyber football field on Sunday in a “grudge match” in the BDFL. Hime’s Fultondale Freebirds started slow but finished fast to defeat the Fieldstown Bellcows in a back-and-forth affair at Byrd Field in Downtown Fultondale. “Jammin’ Jaimie” used to be hell when he was well on that same field when he starred for the BABF Tarrant City Terrors. On the other hand, Belrose also had his highlight moments on the same field, playing for the blue-clad Fultondale Metro Wildcats. After all was said and done, it was the Freebirds who had held sway in Fultondale and carried the day in this particular game in the BDFL. *Note: The Bulletin has learned that the chief disagreement between Belrose and Jaimie was that Belrose though Miller Lite tasted great, and Jaimie felt that it was less filling.  

Blitz Shuts Down Sleds:

The Druid City Blitz shut down the once-powerful Fairfield PowerSleds in Week Five in the BDFL. The win signals optimism and hope for the “Gritz Blitz,” while at the same time serving as a harbinger of potential bad tidings for the “Mean Machine.” Jack Barnes – looking a lot more like Jack Slovensky – was disgusted at the loss. “I might as well go to Mount Vernon, Georgia, and play blitz ball with college kids,” said Mad Jack, “if I can’t get some meaningful production out of my fantasy football team.” Speaking of the BDFL’s Blitz, Jerry Fritz had his team “geared and primed” for this game and it paid off win a big ol’ W. (Mt. Vernon, Ga. is the home of Brewton-Parker College, where Jackson Barnes is playing college baseball, and “blitz ball,” – actually fancy whiffle ball – with his teammates, and providing commentary on the games on the Internet, in cyberspace, much like the BDFL and the JrBDFL.)  

‘Nauts and Grendiers Battle at Rocket Stadium:

Legend has it that Chris Hand only missed one extra point during his career at Gardendale High School. According to the new book out by T.K. Morton called “Rocket Ball,” Chris only missed a PAT when he tried to “hit the scoreboard,” in a blowout vict’ry by GHS. The Bulletin has a copy of the book – available at Barnes & Noble – and is still in the process of “fact checking.” Until that is complete, we’ll just have to go with what we know. The Jugtown Juggernauts hosted the Mineral Springs Grenadiers in Week Five in the BDFL. It was a close game, but ultimately, the Gut Grenades lost to the ‘Nauts at Ed Bruce Field at Rocket Stadium, and it appears that missed extra points or field goals may have contributed to the final outcome. (Note: another book with the working title of “I’m Pooped,” or “Rowdy Rocket,” by Crandall Russell, says that Chris had previously hit the scoreboard in practice, but wanted to do it in a game. Russell writes, “kicking was just a game to him. He just wanted to be the ‘Wolf Back,’ and bail us out as a backup QB.”  

Setting the BDFL Back Years – Mayors & Mildcats Woller:

In the BDFL’s weekly game of “grab@$$,” the Magic City Mayors and the Western Hills Mildcats wollered around for four quarters in Week Five. Both teams looked like a bunch of mullets. The Bulletin is reporting that the Cronies beat the “James Gang,” in a game where both teams – combined – barely got to double-digits.  

“It’s all about the kids.” - Week Five in the JrBDFL:

One game in the JrBDFL ended with a final score of 117.08 - 117. That’s hard to believe. In the game in question, Jacob Wood defeated Matthew Hand (the JrBDFL Commissioner). Ever see a score in sports be decided by decimal points. Well, other than gymnastics and track and field, and swimming, and other so-called sports that use judges. Thank goodness for the old school BDFL. No fractions.

FROM THE EDITOR: The Bulletin is the official weekly rag, fish wrapper, voice, mouthpiece and media outlet of the Big Daddy Football League (BDFL). The Bulletin originates each week from underneath a rock in Media Void. In the BDFL, Media Void is a fictitious city in a fictitious country which is free from all types of media and information, where everybody in the city-state wanders aimlessly around uninformed about everything from the news, to weather, to sports and politics. The Bulletin is headquarted in Media Void to help serve this community.

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