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The BDFL's Weekly Game Summaries

By Bob Bullet

Final Edition: Recapping 2006

“Some will win.  Some will lose.  Some are going to sing the blues.” - Journey

The BDFL would not be what it is without its personalities, teams, sponsors, winners, losers, misfits, no-shows, wrappers, rebels, free spirits, renegades, rank-and-file, administration, web-masters, master statisticians, prognosticators, scribes, watch-dogs, and rabble.  It would not have lasted a dozen years without the above.  So, pat yourselves on the back and get ready for the Super Bowl Gala, the Pony Draft, and the off-season whirling derby, before we strap it on and get in the trenches for 2007.

The following is The Bulletin’s review of 2006; and since it was a throwback season, of sorts, the rankings and rants are in old-time, pre-Bullet Rule, most-points-wins-format.

494-Power Sleds: Mad Jack had a return to vintage form that has NFL Films scurrying through its vaults.  The Mean Machine almost hit the 500 mark, a pretty good level back in the days of pre-expansion (only 8-teams).  The PowerSleds proved – once again – that one good horse can pull your wagon to the head of the line.  LT did it for Mad in 2006 (as did Shaun Alexander, Priest Holmes, Emmitt Smith in the past).  Even though the Sledheads got knocked off in the playoffs, they still woke up the echoes of Edgar Winter and company in a near return to glory.

477-Bullets: The Al Davis and Bear Bryant of the BDFL, the man responsible for some of the most famous and infamous rule changes (The Bullet Rule) in fantasy football – Bullet – had a banner year in ’06.  The Benton Bullets featured a strong across-the-board team of Brady, Parker, Johnson, and Evans, and came each week with a balanced attack to capture the rugged Red Neck Division, which put all four of its franchises in the playoffs.  $#!&-pot luck doomed the Bullets in the BDCS.

470-Woosiers: Perhaps the most intriguing story of the ’06 season was the late season rise of the Smoke Risers in the Sky.  Tommy T. predicted his team would rally in the second half of the season, and the Hayden Haymakers did just that, advancing all the way to the Big Daddy Bowl after an improbable upset of the PowerSleds in the semi-finals.  With the whirling power of WARTS (Woo’s Accurate Real Time Scoring) at his disposal, the Cy Kick Woo was able to make some key mid-season moves via the supplemental draft and then charge down the stretch like Secretariat.  Alas, his good fortune ran out in Week 17, and the Woo Crew had to settle for second place (in both the BDFL and the rugged Red Neck Division).

443-Cheetahs: The 2005 Champions scored early and often (what’s new) in ’06, but could not slip the uncomfortable confines of the Bullet Rule.  The Sin Wagon was corralled by a losing record and relegated after Week 14 to the loser’s bracket, where they simply ran out the streak and ended any and all talk of another dynasty off Valleydale.

439-Wildcats: After a banner year in 2005, the Wildcats followed a similar fate of the team (Cheetahs) that beat them in the Big Daddy Bowl the previous year.  The James Gang piled up some points with their aggressive, in-your-face, just-say-no picks, but they couldn’t seem to win enough games to advance to the BDCS.  Like the Cheetahs, once they were relegated to the Mullet Series, they just took their test tubes, beakers, and HCl acid home, and turned off their Bunsen burners.

433-Fighting Slovaks: There is still a drunken brawl going on in the streets of Bratislava.  The Slovaks – young and old – are still downright “giddy” about the 2006 season.  Sure, in some taverns and beer halls they want to run off Adam for starting the wrong running back in the playoffs, but in general – or in any terms – it was the best year ever for the Slovaks.  Now, all the Pi Cap Caravan has to do is learn how to win.  Their rapping could use a little work too.

425-Mayors: Victims of the Bullet Rule in ’06, the Cronies just couldn’t figure out a way to get more vict’ries this season.  Perhaps they should petition the Commissioner and evil schedule-maker to play their brother more often.  It’s refreshing, but almost a sad day when payoffs, kickbacks, and favors for the Commissioner can’t get you a spot in the BDCS.  But, it’s the only game the Mayors know how to play and they will certainly continue to grease the wheel.

420-Grenades: Speaking of the Commissioner, 2006 had to be a bittersweet season for the Grenades.  After tweaking and manipulating the rules in every manner imaginable over the past ten years, the Commissioner – in his new palatial digs on the banks of the Cumberland River – thought he had all the bases covered.  But, in his haste to assign an asterisk (*) to his brother’s title years and years ago, he inadvertently sabotaged his own season.  Yes, the Grenades fell victim to their self-propagated Bullet Rule in ’06.  Not only did they not qualify for the BDCS, but they elevated their play (thanks to the hometown “D” of the Titans) in the post season – only in the Mullet Series – and could have maybe, just maybe, made a run at the big prize that has alluded them lo these many years.  Look for more changes on the horizon as the Grenades try to win a title other than top Mullets in the future.

407-Wizards: BDFL Champions in 2006.  Merlin’s very own comments mentioned the word “luck” about a dozen times.  The Bulletin thinks there is an asterisk (*) missing from the home page of the BDFL website by the name of the Pasco County Wizards.  Shouldn’t there be some notation of the only BDFL team in history to not finish in the top half of the standings, not legitimately win its own division, and still carry home what has to be a tarnished (if not tainted) title.  So if not an asterisk (*), at least a #, or %, or @ notation to distinguish this TARNISHED title in the record books.  [Note: the Wizards of ’06 and the Bullets of ’97 each won the BDFL Championship by the rules that existed at the time.]

387-Juggernauts: Just when you thought the Juggernauts had about the worst team in BDFL history, you glance at the standings and realize that they are the defacto champions in the woebegone Yellow Hammer Division.  Demented and sad, but true.  The Rice Rockets had a season that only the Miracle Strip Roller Coaster – sitting cut up in parts of three museums – could only appreciate in ’06.  To say it was up and down would be a disservice to the (Otis) elevator business.

379-Sloth Monsters: The man (Mukes) who had more ups and downs in the (Otis) elevator business than any of his predecessors simply could not make his lift take him to any of the proverbial top floors in ’06.  The Bulletin wouldn’t say that Mukes’ failures this season will drive him into women’s fashions – because he is already there – but, he will certainly remember losing his grip.  The Three Toed Tree Dwellers – despite a low point total – made it to the BDCS only to be outclassed by the folks (teams) he found there.  What’s next for Mukes? Why the Super Bowl Gala, of course! Bring out the chips and milk!

374-Wooden Warriors: After several seasons of futile battling for a top spot in the BDFL, the Wooden Warriors just fell to mediocrity in ’06.  Chief Kawliga had too many (other) chiefs and not enough Indians to make any kind of noise this season.  At least the Tribe didn’t get their hearts broken in another Big Daddy Bowl.

362-Bootleggers: Surviving the rugged Red Neck Division, and advancing to the BDCS were pretty good accomplishments for the Whiskey Runners in ’06.  But, that’s nothing compared to their successful run out of the woods of No Teeth, Tennessee.  Now the BDFL is free from making trips to what only can be described at (dueling) banjo country.  Good riddance.  Now, maybe the Woods Brothers can show their faces at a Super Bowl party, or Genuine Draft.

341-Gamblers: Kenny B. did a fine job in ’06 of disguising what a horrible football team he had.  Smoke and mirrors, dinging sloth machines, and thinly-clad cocktail waitresses can do that to a male-dominated league.  The Gamblers some how managed (with the 14^th lowest point total) to advance to the BDCS (where they were quickly dispatched).  The long road back to respectability is something that the Gamblers can set their sites on for next year.

337-Blades:  What L.A. needs is a permanent break from the past.  The Blades need to remember the glory days of the Section 69 Sickles, but find a new boss to sharpen their sickles, and march the team into the new millennium.  Perhaps a new coach with a proven record of championship accomplishments can carry this perennial underachieving bunch to newfound respectability.

297-Dogs: Come on, not even 300 points.  “Once the trust goes out of a relationship,” said Norm (Cheers) Peterson.  “It’s just no fun lying to ’em anymore.”  The 2006 version of the Dogs may have rivaled the past Slovak teams as the worst in BDFL history.  They couldn’t pass, they couldn’t run, they couldn’t block, tackle, or score points.  It was hard to watch.  How they won 5 or 6 games to start off the season is a miracle.  But even with that, under the ever-changing, morphing rules of the BDFL, they were matched up in Week 14 in an oh-by-the-way, I-really-messed-up match up with the Slovaks by the schedule-makers for a shot at the BDCS (which, of course, they blew).  When Dog said “no” to Dodie Goode and John Foster and company to “Hey, Mark, you want to go with us to burn down the school.”  He made a courageous move to move away from his Brookside roots.  Don’t get us wrong, he still knows how to lie, cheat, and steal with the best of them.  But, maybe Mark’s Mutts need to return to their wicked ways to improve in the BDFL, before Dwight Slowees brings these Dogs down like the one he did years ago in his back yard, on the banks of the Five Mile Creek.  “I’ll take care of that dog… Boom!”

Quote of the

Week

"It’s refreshing, but almost a sad day when payoffs, kickbacks, and favors for the Commissioner can’t get you a spot in the BDCS"
 

Back Bull 2006

Back Bull 2005

2005 Back Big Daddies: w1  w2  w3  w4  w5  w6  w7  w8  w9  w10  w11  w12  w13  w14  w15  w16  w17

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blades | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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