The Bulletin

The BDFL utilizes a committee for nothing

Crunch Time in the Big Daddy Football League:

The Bulletin chronicles the Week 14 games below, and farther below, ranks the BDFL nicknames. Before all of that, the “stretch run” causes the Commissioner to issue an edict. There are no committees in the nation’s premiere fantasy football league. There’s a Commissioner, there’s rank-and-file members, teams, franchises, owners, coaches, and general managers. There’s a element of sarcasm, cynicism, conflict, and resolution. There’s a media element. There’s an award-winning website, emails, and text messages. There’s hist’ry, tradition, and reverence mixed with distrust, mystery, conspiracy theories, loyalty, and camaraderie. But, there’s no committees. With that stated, here’s the aforementioned edict from the Office of the BDFL Commissioner – Iron Hand: “The league had a couple of inquiries for replacement players, and both were denied due to the WORM Hole closing in Week 12. We’re* not trying to be difficult here, but just trying to be fair to all 16 teams and secure a competitive balance for the league as we approach title time. All teams had a Pony Draft pick and 12 weeks to solidify a roster for the season. What you have assembled to date is your team for the remainder of the season. No more trades either. You must manage what you have to the best of your ability. This is called nut-cutting time in the BDFL. The TS Rule is now in full effect. Good luck and may the best teams win!”

NOTE: *Who’s we? We’s @$$. We’re all in this together.  

Commissioner Takes A.W. Complements of the “James Gang”:

After his Commissioner duties, Iron Hand turned his attention to his Week 14 match-up against the Western Hills Wildcats. The game turned early from a football contest to an @$$-whipping. The “James Gang” released a barrage of hot lead and artillery fire that demolished the Mineral Springs Grenadiers, 50-26. It was an official A.W. The Wildcats scored at will, and took the Gut Grenades to the old, proverbial, out-back, woodshed. It was an outstanding performance for the Wildcats, who are the class of the Yellow Hammer Division this season, and are just one week away from claiming a lofty spot in the Big Daddy Championship Series (BDCS), and getting their hands on the best holiday present of all: the coveted Grand Daddy Trophy.  

Dogs Administer A.W. to PowerSleds:

The Brookside Dogs are in solid second place in the Yellow Hammer Division. “Mark’s Mutts” have had a really good season in 2025. This past weekend was great for the Dogs. Brookside ventured across the county of Jefferson to administer an A.W. to the Fairfield PowerSleds on the Sled’s home field. The “Mean Machine” put up some token opposition early, but the Sleds were ran out-of-town (their hometown of Fairfield) by the Dogs in the second half. Consequently, the Dogs look to be in good shape for the BDCS going into the last week of the regular season, while the PowerSleds are tittering on the brink… that’s the brink, the edge, the precipice that separates the BDCS (winners) from the BMS – Big Mullet Series (losers).  

Juggernauts Edge Bell Heads in a Close One:

The Bulletin now pivots from A.W.’s to a pair of close games in Week 14 in the BDFL. In competitive leagues, it pays to win the close games. Most experts say that if you can win the games decided by one-score, then your team is potentially on its way to a successful season. Submitted for your approval is this week’s game between the Jugtown Juggernauts and the Fieldstown Bellcows. Following the outcome – a 33-31 vict’ry for the ‘Nauts – the team from Gardendale was 8-6 with 359 total points. The team from just west of Jugtown, Fieldstown, ended up 8-6 with 351 total points. So, Allyson is winning close games and based upon “unofficial” league-wide standings… appears to be “sitting on it” for a spot in the big dance. Meanwhile, the Bellcows are trying to recover from a gut-wrenching loss, and may be on the “outside looking in,” when the Big Dance bracket comes out this time next week. Both could be helped by at least one team (Armadillos) falling out of contention under the Bullet Rule.  

Gamblers Dealt a Tough Hand vs. Sloths:

A close finish (37-31) went against the Gulf Coast Gamblers and it could be the death knell for the Dixie Mafia. After losing in Week 14, Kenny Breal’s team is just one loss away from being eliminated under the Bullet Rule. However, the Gamblers are pretty low in the total points category, and are basically hanging on my a thread. Speaking of “hanging on,” the Three Toed Tree Dwellers appear to be improving their grip – without opposable thumbs – on a potential spot in the BDCS. Next week will determine a lot of things for a lot of teams.  

Vulcans Edge Cheetahs in Narrow Vict’ry:

Take a look at Week 14’s third closest game, it was the North Birmingham Vulcans edging the Southside Cheetahs by one, 23-22. Nic Hand was thrilled to get a win, but these two teams couldn’t be in more opposite directions on the eve of the bracket set-ups in the BDFL. The Cheetahs are a lock and will probably be the Number One Seed in the BDCS. The young, but naïve Vulcans have already been eliminated by the Bullet Rule, are 15th out of 16 teams in the standings, and already have reservations and an itinerary planned out for the Big Mullet Series. So, file this game under, “sometimes even a blind squirrel finds an acorn,” axiom.  

Freebirds Crush Hopes of the Armadillos:

Sticking with the continued theme of “one team in – one team out,” the Fultondale Freebirds are cruisin’ to the BDCS, and the Duncanville Armadillos and are crashing with Nic Hand for the BMS. Where this game differs from the previous one… is that the higher positioned team (F’birds) defeated the underwhelming squad (‘Dillos). If you are keeping score at home – and we know you are – the ‘Dillos have been eliminated under the Bullet Rule. Where the script differs, is that the ‘Dillos are in 1st place in the Rugged Red Neck Division. So, for K.P. & Company this weekend’s 31-16 loss to the Fabulous Freebirds was a tough worm pill to swallow. Meanwhile, “Jammin’ Jaimie” Hand is getting ready to accept the Green Horn Division title, a birth in the BDCS, and a chance to chase his dream of winning the Grand Daddy Trophy to parade through the streets of Fultondale, past the city limits signs, in front of St. E., and all the way to the site of the old Bartee’s and back.  

Blitz Moves up by Mauling Mayors:

“Keeping hope alive,” said Jerry Fritz as his Druid City Blitz rallied for a 28-13 vict’ry over the Magic City Mayors in Week 14 in BDFL action. It was a clutch performance by daBlitz. The outcome definitely hurts the Cronies, who are in a desperate situation going into the final week of the regular season. These teams end fourteen weeks of competition with very similar resumes that could be studied long-and-strong if the BDFL had some sort of committee. In the tale of the tape, both the Blitz and the Mayors are now 7-7 on the season, and are separated by just four points in the total points category. But, upon rigorous review, The Bulletin is comparing these two teams to Vandy and Texas. “Congratulations, you’ve had a good season, but you are not getting in the Big Dance, have fun in the Pop Tarts Bowl or the Poulan Chain Saw Weedeater Independence Bowl in lovely Shreveport, Louisiana.  

Bandits Win One over Embarrassed Bullets:

If the conversation turns to teams heading to the Big Mullet Series, make sure the Bandits and Bullets are included on that list. The Altadena Bandits have been bad all year. The Benton Bullets have had some ups and downs, but the “downs” have certainly outnumbered the “ups.” Witness the results in Week 14 in the BDFL, the Bullets (3.5 point favorites – their biggest favorite spread of the season) were embarrassed by the Bandits, 16-9. Barry K. Stephenson was elated with a win after a number of close calls, but his team just moved to 2-12 on the season and will almost certainly finished in 16th – dead last place in the league. As for the Bullets – who tried really hard in 2025 – have had the rug pulled out from under them and need about a 100-points in Week 15 to make a holiday destination other than the Big Mullet Series.  

“It’s all about the kids.” - Week 14 in the JrBDFL:

The regular season is over in the JrBDFL. Two of Bullet’s children (Meredith and Matthew) have been eliminated from championship contention. So, for Matthew and his Selma Southpaws… it’s a bitter end for the Defending Champions. Milton (Lowndes County Labs) did make the playoffs, but as a 5th seed. In other BDFL tie ins, the Birmingham Barn Burners (Jackson, son of Mad Jack) finished first in the East Division and will enjoy a first round bye. In a blast from the past, Jacob Wood, and his North Canton Bulldogs qualified for the playoffs in the Junior League as the 3th seed. Jacob’s dad, Jon, was “once upon a time,” in the BDFL.