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The BDFL

The Column

of Fame

From The Crystal Ball
The BDFL's Weekly Pigskin Prognostications

By The Wizard

Week 13

Cheetahs vs. Mayors

Wizard’s Winner…the Cheetahs

Grenades vs. PowerSleds

Wizard’s Winner…the Grenades.

Wooden Warriors vs. Fighting Slovaks

“It is aliiiiiiiiiivvvvvvvvvvve!” Adam Slovensky and the Fighting Slovaks kept their post season and division title hopes alive with a pounding of the hapless Dogs in a “Bring ‘em back to Brookside” Turkey Day Classic last weekend and have now set their sites on Cousin Jaimie and the suddenly red hot “Dwindlin’ Kindlin’ Dwellers” from Fultondale. Meanwhile, it would appear that Jaimie decided to mix things up this year. Instead of his normal hot start followed by a fade into oblivion, the Wooden Warriors went ugly early, got the best of the uglies, and then proceeded to kick it into high gear the last part of the season. While it certainly achieved its goal of upsetting the time-space continuum, the results were still the same as the Warriors find themselves on the outside of the post season looking in reminding the Great Wizardo of a Pat Benatar song where she crooned “it’s a little too little, it’s a little too late.” (Wizard’s Note: Back in the day the Wizard listed Pat Benatar as #3 on his list of hot chicks to marry, immediately behind Stevie Nicks and Debra Harry although since he seriously considered moving to Utah and marrying both Nicks and Harry, it is conceivable to say Benatar was actually in 2nd place.) Nevertheless, Jaimie would love nothing better than to eliminate his cousin, but the Great Wizardo says it will be the Slovaks bellying up to Grandma Slovensky’s kitchen table in Brookside for an extra helping of apple pie leaving Jaimie with the leftover ribs from the 4th of July soiree.

Wizard’s Winner…the Fighting Slovaks.

Grenades vs. Mayors

Expect to see plenty of hot air balloons from Gallo, Napa Valley, and Boone’s Farm flying high above Fair Park this Sunday when the “Tennessee Tubesteaks” return to their old stomping grounds in Birmingham to play the Mayors because these two have been whining for the better part of the last several weeks after piling up more than respectable numbers but failing to capitalize in the won-loss column. The “Bleeding Heart Bureaucrats” were charter members of the “Bullet Rule Club” while the Grenades were officially initiated in Week 12 after posting their 8th loss of the year. The Great Wizardo always says you “drive for show and putt for dough”, some great advice these two obviously failed to heed. Regardless, the points may come in bunches but it will be the Mayors who actually post a rare win in the process.

Wizard’s Winner…the Mayors.

Wizards vs. Sloth Monsters

With a possible berth in the playoffs at stake, Merlin and the “Magical Mystery Ship” will sail into Silver Lakes to battle Mike Dismukes and the “Groovy Ghoulies” Sunday afternoon in a Green Horn showdown. Both teams have qualified for the playoffs, something several members of the Gray Beard Division, who shall remain nameless, have failed to do, and are tightly packed together in the standings with mere points separating the two. Both could qualify for the post season but may find the at-large bids even more difficult to come by than winning the division outright. A resurgent Deuce McAlister is helping provide close ground support to Peyton Manning’s aerial assaults, but it will not be enough to overcome “Alexander the Great” and his quest to make up for lost time.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wizards.

Cheetahs vs. Sleds

Despite leaving 24 points on the bench in the form of Indy’s Joseph Addai, the “Tractor Factory” has been a point producing machine much of the year and are poised to enter the playoffs with a Gray Beard Division title in hand and a number one seed to go with it. Chasing them are Butch Neal’s “Cheaters” who in spite of a lofty point total of their own find themselves in desperate need of vict'ries rather than points headed into Week 13. Is anyone beginning to notice a trend in the Gray Beard Division? Seven wins guarantees them an at-large bid to the dance, but it may still be a bit premature to get measured for some glass slippers unless they can knock down their chief intra-divisional rival, the PowerSleds. The Cheetahs like their women fast, but the Great Wizardo says they will still be a step too slow to bag the elephant come Sunday evening leaving them with a ring side seat in the “Bullet Club” to watch the playoffs.

Wizard’s Winner…PowerSleds.

Blades vs. Juggernauts

The “Legends of Leeds” saw their magnificent comeback come crashing down after dropping their 8th game of the season which disqualified them from championship contention despite a point total that will undoubtedly top the Yellow Hammer Division when the regular season concludes after Week 14. However, this is probably little solace for Alyson and her Juggernauts who have joined a rapidly increasing number of BDFL teams in the “Bullet Club.” In fact, if the playoffs started today it would be the lowly Dogs representing the Yellow Hammers with the Wildcats already a member of the "Bullet Club” and the Blades needing to run the table to keep from getting their own membership card. Regardless, the Juggernauts can officially end Lyle Arrington’s hopes of post season glory when she welcomes the “Yankee Clippers” to town Sunday afternoon. The Nauts are a team nobody wants to face, something the Blades will find out much to their chagrin. “And then there was one”…as in Yellow Hammer teams not eliminated from contention.

Wizard’s Winner…the Juggernauts.

Dogs vs. Wildcats

After starting the season with a string of victories despite embarrassingly low point totals (Wizard’s Note: The Dogs have and will likely end the season in last place in the BDFL based on points.), Mark Burr’s “Tirebitin’ Terriers” have seen the schedule maker completely abandon them the second half of the year. However, all is hardly lost since they are the lone Yellow Hammer representative still eligible for the “BDFL Big Dance” beginning in two weeks. Standing in their way is fellow Yellow Hammer foe Jerry and the “James’ Gang” who have struggled to take candy from a baby most of the year, much less rob enough banks to make another run at the title. The Dogs only need a split in their last two games to slip into the playoffs through the back door, albeit under cover of night with a heavy police escort, but will not find that elusive victory courtesy of the Wildcats.

Wizard’s Winner…the Wildcats.

Gamblers vs. Woosiers

Just when everyone thought it was safe to let their daughter’s go back in the water, the Woosiers have resurfaced as a bona fide contender to take a second title in three years by making good on their promise that the “Midnight Tokers” were built for the last half of the season. Standing in their way, however, is Kenny Breal and the “Riverboat Ramblers” who are locked in a tight battle for 2nd place in the Red Neck Division with the Woosiers and have also qualified for the playoffs. With the division title trophy already earmarked for Bullet’s mantle, an at-large bid is the best these two can hope for with the regular season winding down quickly. The Gamblers will hope to use a little Cajun voo doo and any other vices they can throw at the Woosiers to pull out a win, but there are few vices Tommy hasn’t seen, or committed for that matter, leading the Great Wizardo to predict the Woo Crew will stay hot.

Wizard’s Winner…the Woosiers.

Bootleggers vs. Bullets

The “Pike County Possum Poachers” have languished near the basement of the suddenly powerful Red Neck Division all season and are actually at the bottom of the barrel looking up headed into Week 13. Instead of catching lightning in a bottle, the Bootleggers have found themselves bottled up tighter than a frog’s rear end for much of the year yet are still clinging to playoff hopes after a rousing victory last weekend evened their record at six up and six down. However, the Bootleggers will need to have their big, black Dodge dialed in perfectly if they hope to turn laps fast enough to keep up with the “Saturday Night Specials” this weekend at Trey Pettimore Stadium. The Bullets are on cruise control and will coast into the playoffs as champions of their division but, unfortunately, will find themselves the victims of a monumental upset come Sunday evening. Or at the very least will fail to cover.

Wizard’s Winner…the Bootleggers.

Wizard's Quote

of the Week

"Wizard’s Note: Back in the day the Wizard listed Pat Benatar as #3 on his list of hot chicks to marry, immediately behind Stevie Nicks and Debra Harry although since he seriously considered moving to Utah and marrying both Nicks and Harry, it is conceivable to say Benatar was actually in 2nd place"

2006 Wisdom

Past Wisdom

2005 Back Big Daddies: w1  w2  w3  w4  w5  w6  w7  w8  w9  w10  w11  w12  w13  w14  w15  w16  w17

The BDFL | Mayors | Grenades | Cheetahs | PowerSleds | Bullets | Gamblers | Bootleggers | Woosiers

Wildcats | Juggernauts | Dogs | Blades | Wooden Warriors | Wizards | Sloth Monsters | Fighting Slovaks

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