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“I’m now in first place in both of my fantasy leagues.” One apparently is only in his head.

From Underneath The Rock in Media Void

By Bullet Head

Week 13 in the BDFL...

Woodies Flex – Impress ‘Nauts

(Gardendale)—Hime Hand returned to the “hallowed ground” of Rocket Stadium this weekend and put aside his normal arsenal of arrows, tomahawks and spears in favor of his “Gun Show.” Kawliga “flexed” his biceps to impress the only girls around, which just happened to be the swooning Juggernauts. The Tribe then proceeded to administer an old-fashioned A.W. to the ‘Nauts. The performance left little doubt that the Woodies are not going to fold their tee-pees this year due to cold weather and are now just playing out the string, getting ready for the Big Daddy Bowl, and hoping their Chief Priest will suit up and play in Week 17. Kawliga said, “I’m now in first place in both of my fantasy leagues.” One apparently is only in his head.

Dogs Win Scoreathon Against Wizards

(Brookside)—In Brookside, “going ugly early,” is sometimes the best plan. That way, you get the best of the ugly. And, that is exactly what Merlin and Dog did this weekend. How else do you explain the scoring they did this weekend? The Mangy Mutts and Pixie Dusters combined for more than 80-points this week, with the Dogs edging the Wizards by one-point thanks to the home bar advantage that is Wayne’s Place. Reports filtering out of Brookside across the muddy banks of the Five Mile Creek report that Dog and Merlin also decided mutually on some “scores” using the Bucket and Giddy formula of “flipping a coin.”

Cheetahs Dance North of the Border

(No Teeth, Tenn.)—Answering challenge after challenge this season, and dance after dance… the Cheetahs are still holding tight to first place in the Geezer Beard Division. This weekend, the Sin Wagon rolled north to visit the toothless wonders, whose forefathers were Bootleggers. (We don’t know what the modern day descendants do for a living, except cash S.S.I. checks.) The Felines feasted on the backwoods Wood Brothers, chalking up a rather easy vict’ry. However, they admitted on the ride back to Riverchase that it was a little difficult dancing to the Cotton Eye Joe.

Sleds Slip to Grenades

(Fairfield)—Johnny’s parachute pants were cut off and sewed on tight at the last minute for the Grenades match up with the Sledheads and the sight was just too much for Mad Jack to overcome. The throbbing sounds of the early 80’s and alternative rock of the late 80’s that the Grenades un-leashed in the Dolodome forced mass vomiting by the Sledsters and led to an easy vict’ry for the Johnny’s what is usually a hostile environment.

Blades Slice Mayors in Holiday Brother Brawl

(Magic City)—The Arrington’s Thanksgiving celebration turned ugly as the Blades and Mayors engaged in a nasty food fight. And, when the food escalated to forks, spoons and knives the advantage clearly swung in favor of the Blades. With much more experience with cutlery, L.A. was able to land a few more sharp implements in the soft mid-section of Pork-stuffed Cronies, which led to the Blades vict’ry. After the cutting was complete, the Blades decided not to bury the hatchet, but they did agree to get together for a little more brotherly love with the Cronies for Christmas.

Gamblers Take a Hit, Edge Woo Crew

(Biloxi)—Kenny G. took Tommy T. to the basement blackjack tables at the old Grand Casino in Biloxi for a one-hand show down for all the marbles. Woo decided to hold on 16. Mr. Vegas, the Gambler would not stand pat for a “push” when his cards revealed that he also had a 16. (At any rate, “House Rules” call for the dealer to hit 16 and below, so the dealer, The Real Deal, really didn’t have a choice he had to take a hit.) Kenny G. pulled a “3” out of the eight-deck-shoot and that was the end of Woo’s excellent Mississippi Gulf Coast Adventure.

Bullets Double Up Feasting Sloths

(Lake Cyrus)—Mukes’ Thanksgiving feast included turkey and dressing, yams, cornbread, cranberries, pumpkin pie, chips and milk. The last two ingredients landing him in the facilities long enough to earn “Toilet Seat Team of the Week” honors. The Three-Toed Tree Dwellers started the wrong quarterback, wrong kicker and apparently took the wrong indigestion pill (reports are that it was large and would rid a dog of certain intestinal parasites) and were embarrassed at home by the Bullets. For his part, the Bullerino took time to strut around Lake Cyrus munching on a drumstick and then made the drive back to Montgomery in time to see Alabama State break its 4-game losing streak by beating “Skegee in the Turkey Day Classic. Happy Thanksgiving, indeed!

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